8/08/2006

may not be a star

I wonder what it is about people's voices that can conjure up emotions and feelings and even actions. Is it something physical, like something a scientist would have to explain to me, using words like "septic" and "audible" and "hearing aid" and "osteoporosis?"

Or is it something psychological that a shrink might explain as "the shrillness of one's inner voice can carry with it a myriad of emotions and experiences, all emulating from the little child in all of us" while I lay down on a leather chair/sofa?

Emotional? Spiritual? Existential?

I don't know the answer, but I do know what I hear, and I know how I feel when I hear certain voices.

I do understand the experience that is conjured up when a person's voice makes it to my heart.

I have felt the pain/love/irritation of a lost memory well up when someone's voice reaches my ear.

I have prayed to hear God's voice.

I have run, farther and farther, away from voices that have haunted me for a long time, voices that speak of doubt and of selfishness, voices that remind me of my fallen condition and of how feeble my strength is, voices that appeal to the eternally-single guy that I was up until May 21, 2004, constantly reminding me how undeserved I am of Vivian's love or companionship...

If I don't voluntarily choose to fight those voices every single day, I will become as useless and as selfish and as feeble and as sorry and as single as they say I am...but in the end, the blues are still blue.



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